We’ve all been there—stuck in a relationship where you give and give, but feel like you’re getting crumbs in return. Your partner makes all the right promises, but when it comes to action, it’s like watching a bad reality show: more drama than substance. You’ve heard all the lines: “I’ll change, I promise.” “I love you, I’m sorry.” But after a few days, it’s the same old pattern. Sound familiar?
Here’s the truth: if it’s not in line with God’s design for love, it’s not love. It’s time to break the cycle and start living by His standards. Let’s dive into how we can stop settling for less and begin walking in the fullness of love that God intended for us. Spoiler alert: it involves some humor, a lot of grace, and the strength to walk away from the toxic cycle.
1. Stop Hoping He’ll Change (Spoiler Alert: He Won’t Unless God Does It)
We love a good redemption story, don’t we? We hope and pray that the person we love will turn around and become the partner we’ve been praying for. But the truth is, change doesn’t come from promises, it comes from transformation—something that only God can do in a person’s heart.
Let go of the idea that you can be the one to change him. Only God can truly transform someone, and sometimes that means praying for their growth instead of waiting for them to “fix” themselves for you. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Think of it this way: if someone keeps promising to clean their room but you still find dirty socks under the bed, it’s not your job to be the maid! At some point, you have to trust God to clean things up—not you. And you deserve more than that.
2. You Deserve Better Than This (Because God Says So)
God doesn’t call us to settle for less than His best. When you’re stuck in a cycle of half-love, where promises are made but never kept, it’s a sign you’re settling for something far below what God has in mind for you. God created you for more—more joy, more peace, and more love.
Write down the qualities you truly deserve in a relationship. God’s Word tells us that love is patient, kind, and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Hold out for the kind of love that mirrors God’s love for you.
Think of your love life like shopping for a new car. You don’t want the one with the “check engine” light flashing. You deserve something reliable. You wouldn’t settle for a car that’s always breaking down—why settle for a relationship that’s always in the repair shop?
3. Watch What He Does, Not What He Says (Actions vs Words)
Talk is cheap. That’s why God wants us to be doers of the Word, not just hearers (James 1:22). In relationships, it’s easy to get swept up in the sweet words, the “I love you”s, and the promises to do better. But words without actions are empty.
Don’t just listen to what he says, observe his behavior. Is he actively working to show you respect, love, and commitment? If not, it’s time to stop waiting for a change that only God can make.
If someone tells you they’ll take you out for dinner every Friday, but by the third week they’ve “forgotten,” you wouldn’t keep getting dressed up, right? You’d say, “Not this time, buddy.” Same goes for promises that don’t match actions. If he can’t keep a dinner date, he’s not ready for a lifetime commitment.
4. Put Yourself First (Because You Are God’s Masterpiece)
God doesn’t want you to live in a relationship where you’re constantly fixing someone else, putting your needs on the back burner. He created you as His masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). If you’re constantly giving more than you’re receiving, you’re missing out on the balance that a healthy, God-centered relationship brings.
Take a step back. Focus on your own growth and well-being. Reconnect with God, your passions, and your purpose. When you value yourself as God does, you’ll stop accepting anything less than the love you deserve.
Imagine if your phone kept dropping calls, but you just kept waiting for it to start working again. At some point, you’d be like, “Okay, time to upgrade.” The same goes for your relationship. Don’t keep investing in something that isn’t working. God has better plans for you.
5. Real Love is About Growth, Not Fixing
God’s love for us is transformative. It doesn’t just patch up our flaws—it completely changes our hearts. True love doesn’t involve forcing someone to change for you; it involves two people growing together in Christ, becoming more like Him in the process.
Look for someone who is already walking in the love and growth that God calls us to, not someone you need to “fix.” As Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.”
It’s like trying to drag someone to the gym who hates exercise. You can’t be their personal trainer 24/7! At some point, they have to decide they want to change themselves. You deserve a workout partner who’s already in the gym, ready to grow with you.
Remember Stop Chasing, Start Trusting God’s Plan
God has a perfect plan for your life and your relationships. It’s one that includes peace, love, respect, and mutual growth. If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, it’s time to trust God with the process of healing and moving forward. He’s not asking you to settle for less than His best.
Remember: Love is patient, love is kind, and love always protects (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). If your relationship isn’t doing that, it’s time to walk away. Trust that God will bring the right person into your life when you choose to put Him first and stop chasing after false promises.
So, stop looking for love in all the wrong places. Start looking to God for guidance, and trust that He’ll lead you to the love you deserve. And when the ex tries to slide back into your DMs? Just remember this: block and bless.
And when you’re feeling tempted to go back, remember this—God is the ultimate matchmaker. And trust me, His plans don’t involve ghosting or emotional rollercoasters.
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Breaking Free from Toxic Love: Embracing God’s Standard for Real Love
