Sometimes the greatest act of faith isn’t staying, it’s releasing what God has already released you from. This is a raw and biblical reflection on broken covenant, divorce, and what Jesus really meant when He said “except for fornication.”
When the Covenant Bed Grows Cold: Reflection on Divorce, Adultery, and God’s Justice
I used to believe that divorce was always sin, that no matter what the circumstance, a person was bound to their spouse until death. I carried that conviction like a stone in my chest, heavy and righteous in appearance but rooted in misunderstanding. For years, I judged others through that same lens, thinking myself merciful while secretly harboring ignorance. It wasn’t until the Lord opened my eyes to the pain of a woman whose husband had withheld himself from her body, soul, and spirit. I began to see how deep the covenant of marriage truly runs, and what it means when it’s broken.
This woman once told me she felt invisible in her own home. Her husband no longer touched her, not even in passing. Months turned to years, and her body wept for affection that never came. She prayed, fasted, interceded, but he hardened his heart. There was no repentance, no desire for reconciliation, no confession, just cold distance. And one night, while she lay awake next to the silence of her husband who had long departed in spirit, and soul, the Holy Ghost whispered something that shattered her illusions: “He has already left the covenant.”
I wrestled with that. Because how could that be? He hadn’t cheated, not physically, not that she knew anyway. But the Lord reminded me that intimacy itself is part of the sacred covenant, not just sex, but the oneness of spirit and body that seals two souls as one flesh. When that covenant is deliberately severed, and when one partner chooses to withdraw from it without cause, without repentance, and without reconciliation, then they have already defiled the marriage bed.
Jesus spoke clearly on this matter:
“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Matthew 5:32 (KJV)
The word “fornication” here is translated from the Greek word (porneía), meaning sexual immorality, harlotry, adultery, idolatry, or any defilement of the marriage covenant. It’s not limited to physical acts. Instead it’s the spiritual betrayal that begins in the heart. When one spouse continually denies the other intimacy, affection, and unity, and instead joins themselves to selfishness, lust, or pride, that too is porneía. The act of forsaking covenant purity.
The Lord began to reveal that divorce itself was never His desire, but neither was bondage under broken vows. When Jesus spoke those words, He was correcting men who divorced their wives over trivial reasons, for burnt food or age or beauty lost. He restored the sanctity of marriage, but He also upheld justice for those whose covenant had been trampled. In Matthew 19:9.
“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery.” This is what Jesus Christ said.
Again, “except it be for fornication.” That means when the covenant is already destroyed by sin, the innocent party is free from guilt. They are not condemned for walking away from what the other person has already abandoned.
I used to think this passage meant that anyone who remarried after divorce was automatically living in adultery. But the Holy Spirit corrected me: “You’re reading it through the lens of law, not covenant.”
The difference is this, the law condemns based on the letter, but covenant is judged by the heart. God sees where the breaking truly began. If one spouse chooses rebellion, deceit, or emotional abandonment, refusing to love, refusing to reconcile, refusing to remain faithful in body or spirit, then that spouse is the one who has committed the sin that breaks the union.
It’s not about who filed the papers, it’s about who severed the bond before heaven.
And God, who judges righteously, will not hold the innocent in bondage to another’s rebellion, and nor should I.
That woman and her story, became the mirror that reflected my own misunderstanding. I had once placed myself on the side of judgment, believing righteousness was found in endurance alone. But righteousness isn’t staying bound to sin, it’s standing bound to truth.
When Jesus said, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6), He wasn’t speaking of endurance at all costs. He was speaking of divine union. What God joined, not what man forced or sustained through fear. Many marriages were never joined by God to begin with. Others began pure but died through corruption. The point is once the covenant is desecrated, it is no longer a representation of Christ and His Bride, it becomes a shadow of spiritual death.
And here’s the truth that set me free recently, God is not the author of bondage, but of peace.
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.”
1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)
Peace, not torment. Reconciliation when possible, yes but peace when reconciliation is refused.
This doesn’t grant permission to divorce lightly. God still hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), not because He hates the people, but because it wounds the image of covenant love. But where that image has already been desecrated where trust, fidelity, and unity are no longer present, then divorce is not rebellion, it a release.
I no longer see divorce as a mark of failure. I see it as a mirror of God’s mercy toward those who were betrayed. Just as He wrote Israel a bill of divorcement when she continually went after other gods (Jeremiah 3:8), so too He grants freedom to the faithful who were forsaken.
If that woman were to remarry, she would not be walking in sin, but in grace because God is not unjust to bind her to what another destroyed.
And that was my revelation. The covenant is not about staying legally married, it’s about being spiritually faithful.
So I repent for the times I judged without understanding, for the times I condemned others choices without knowing the tears behind their decisions. The Lord is teaching me that His justice is not cold like the law, it is tender, layered, and fiercely protective of the brokenhearted.
The truth is this. When the covenant bed grows cold, and one partner refuses reconciliation, the covenant itself has already been broken. The divorce is not the sin instead the sin was the betrayal that came long before.
And in that place of release, God does not stand with the accuser. He stands with the one who wept alone in the dark, praying for restoration that never came.
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When The Covenant Bed Grows Cold
